The truth about dating as a traveler


"Seriously if you keep doing this you will stay alone for the rest of your lifetime!", said Dad. I wasn't sure if he was joking or really concerned about my future love life. 
"Dad, I am sorry, it just didn't work out with him. We are to different!", I said apologizing for my failed relationship. 
"Sweetheart, you know relationships are about finding compromises and sometimes you even have to give up something, to make it work" 
I turn around and look at him. I can't do anything but smile. "Well then I might just be to selfish. Because there are things I would never give up for a man. I am not a feminist, but right now I feel like my own interests are more important than giving up part of myself. And I don't see me having a serious relationship with someone who does not have the same interests and goals in life as I have."
"Well but you cannot live this half nomad way of life forever!", he told me. "One day you have to think about the future, about a good income, about having serious relationships and building a family"

"Yes Dad. One day. One day when I am ready to settle down, to start a job I really love in a city and country I really love with a guy I really love. Until then, I live my half nomad life exploring the world and finding my place in it. On my own or not. Nobody is going to stop me from that." 

The truth is, dating is hard. But it is twice as hard, when you spend your time traveling and switching between different home bases and cities. 
I am not a full time traveler. But I use every opportunity, every free time, every chance I have to get out and to see the world. I come back from a trip and I already have a new one planed. Its not just a thing I like. Its one of the most important things of my life.
For me the idea of settling down just scares the hell out of me. I spend my childhood moving from one city to another. Always on the move. Always learning to adapt. Never reliant to another person.
The longest relationship in the last four years lasted four months. And I am never complaining about not being in a relationship. The truth is, dating me is not that easy. I dated people from different cultures and religions. I love new cultures, other languages, interesting characters. I have other standards concerning dating than other people have.

We, the (solo)travelers, are  good at making new friends at adapting to new places. We get bored easily. We search for adventures. We search for freedom. We always were on our own. We are people that can work alone. When our freedom space gets restricted, we back up. We don't need a partner, to be alive. We don't need a partner to be happy. 
But if we feel like dating someone, it mostly would be someone that is as crazy as we are, freedom seeking, wanderlust loving and not reliant to us. We need someone that has the same idea of life, the same interest. Someone we can runaway with. Someone we can spend our afternoons  walking around new cities
Someone we can talk to the whole night in a tent in the middle of nowhere. Someone that we can spend our whole time with, without having the feeling to giving up part of ourself. Someone that actually understands the value of our freedom. Someone you can be together with, without having the feeling on missing out. 

One day we see ourself having a hostel in Columbia, living the south American backpackers dream. Another day, we see us working at a traveler newspaper in New York city. Having a little loft with a view over Manhattan. Another day we are flight attendants, hotel inspectors or wildlife photographer. Our wedding would be on a beach of Oahu and our honeymoon in the jungle of the Amazon. Our kids would all be born on different continents. Exploring the world with a huge camper van. 
We have a lot of ideas. And they change all the time. We can't decide what we want yet, because we life each day as it comes. Not worrying. We are educated people, that can make a life happening anywhere. Even if we end up living in an ordinary house in an ordinary neighborhood. Rising two kids and three Labradors. It is not because we planned it our whole life like this, it is because we chose it as the life we want to live in that moment. We want to have all options open. We don't want to miss out, because we are together with people that have totally different ideas of a good life- not in a bad way.  

Sometimes I think, it would be easier, if I would not have problems, concerning knowing my origin and my belonging. To know my goals in life and where I want to be in ten years. 
But that is just not the person I am. Dating is hard. You will always be the half that needs more freedom, and adventure, less attachment and complicacy.

You mostly will  fall in love overseas, spending the greatest week of your life on a island, before splitting up because you have different paths . Maybe and you decide to meet up again on the other side of the world but it will never be the same.  
Sometime you meet someone and you decide to keep on traveling together. But at one point, one half will have the feeling of settling down somewhere, and you prefer the life on the road. 
Another time you keep on traveling together and decide to settle down together. 
And sometimes you meet someone that will truly break your heart. Someone you thought was your soul mate. 
Dating on the road is hard. But sometimes, you find a person, that is your inspiration, the person you see yourself doing the adventure called life, together. 






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